Mxyzptlk: pronounced “miks-ill-plik” forwards and “kilp-ill-skim” backwards.
The God Mx. Mxyzptlk is a non-binary Imp who is so powerful they can do anything that they can imagine. For example, they can transform Superman, who is himself a God, into ashes or erase him from existence, but where’s the fun in that?
Not just an urban legend: Mx. Mxyzptlk did create the fifth-dimension, all by their lonesome, on a dare.
Kirstjen’s migraine reaches a crescendo, and becomes blinding. The girl blacks out. When she comes to her senses, hours later, sprawled out on the playroom’s floor, Mx. Wiig is gone. The girl stands up.
The door and the staircase that provide access to the playroom are gone. The barred basement windows are also gone.
As for her migraine, it too is gone. What has become of her inner Niffin?!
The not-just-a-girl Kirstjen has reversed even more. She’s no longer wearing thick-readers. In point of fact, she’s not wearing any eyeglasses, whatsoever.
Not ugly, whatsoever, which means she’s also no longer ugly-minded.
The girl’s looks again upstage Mx. Wiig’s.
The girl’s looks are no longer in sync with Mx. Wiig’s.
But. She’s still strapping Piranhas and Parts. Therefore, she’s still fluid.
Fluid and pretty. The not-just-a-girl. This is, by far, the freakiest version of Kirstjen.
She Freak, certifiable.
Freak Show Kirstjen.
Mx. Nielsen?!
Mx. Hancock?!
Mx. Handcock?!
Therefore, except for the Piranhas and Parts: Pure, unadulterated Barbara I Dream of Jeannie Eden’s Stella Johnson—inarguably, the quintessential blueprint for the preeminent female face of WWF’s Attitude Era, Miss Debra and her Puppies!
The quintessential LGBTQIA hottie. A creepy younger “chick” with a hard pretty Northern European face and an awesome body. Normies: Take a hard pass on this one, but still leer a plenty.
She “senses” movement. An inhumanly-wide smile briefly paints her face. And. Just like that, she no longer straps Piranhas and Parts. Ceasing to be fluid. Ceasing to be LGBTQIA.
That which was heretofore concealed from her becomes visible. It’s Mx. Wiig, poised to behead her.
Again. The voice of her husband Dame Judi Dench, “whispering” into her mind’s ear, Be happy, my dearest.
After further deliberation, Dame Judi Dench had changed her mind, and decided that Mx. Wiig’s capitulation wouldn’t be enough, after all. So. Mx. Wiig’s property would need to be confiscated.
Possession being nineteenths of the law. What belonged to Mx. Wiig, now belongs to Mx. Nielsen aka Mx. Hancock aka Mx. Handcock. Mx. Handcock is Ms. Nielsen’s non-binary proxy.
Because Mx. Wiig is an ace boon-coon of Mx. Mxyzptlk, Mx. Wiig’s property has to be repossessed this way.
Mx. Wiig’s arms and legs are ripped off, and Mx. Wiig is thrown onto the rack. The rack straps down what’s left of Mx. Wiig. Mx. Wiig is screaming in agony.
Lickety-split, Kirstjen is upon the restrained Mx. Wiig. Eating and drinking Mx. Wiig while Mx. Wiig is still alive. Appeasing her inner Niffin. And to further the thrill, she pretends that she’s killing in cold blood.
The Gods make the rules, and they always make them in their favor. Those who have the gold, make the rules: The Golden Rule.
After further deliberation, Dame Judi Dench had changed her mind, and decided that Mx. Wiig’s capitulation wouldn’t be enough, after all. So. Mx. Wiig’s head would need to be taken.
Because Mx. Wiig is an ace boon-coon of Mx. Mxyzptlk, Mx. Wiig has to be dispatched this way.
Tit for tat.
Because Mx. Wiig is an ace boon-coon of Mx. Mxyzptlk, Mx. Mxyzptlk will have to be compensated for this loss.
Dame Judi Dench’s wife, used for select special operations of Mx. Mxyzptlk, is the agreed upon compensation. The obligation is open-ended.
Kirstjen is currently auditioning as the quintessential LGBTQIA hottie. Which is doing nothing for the OCD of Mx. Mxyzptlk. Although it’s a compromise that Dame Judi Dench can reluctantly accept.
Then. Just like that. Kirstjen is strapping Piranhas and Parts, again. Therefore. Not just a girl, again.
A “fluid” Barbara I Dream of Jeannie Eden’s Stella Johnson channeling Miss Debra and her Puppies! resulting in this Mx. Handcock.
Show me the puppies!
Queen Debra Puppies!
Trans, fluid, and mid-transition!
She Freak!
Freak Show!
So far, this audition is doing absolutely nothing to sway Mx. Mxyzptlk in the direction of this Mx. Handcock as the quintessential LGBTQIA hottie replacing Mx. Wiig for the “special” uses of Mx. Mxyzptlk.
But. This Mx. Handcock as the quintessential LGBTQIA non-hottie, based solely on Mx. Wiig, will punch the ticket of Mx. Mxyzptlk. And, in this situation, it’s Mx. Mxyzptlk who has the final say-so.
Obviously, this audition is being done out of courtesy to Dame Judi Dench because she is a God, and a very powerful one at that. Very old and thus very powerful. Ancient and powerful.
Dame Judi Dench’s hands are tied. But. What if Kirstjen refuses to be subjugated this way, pieced out as a jobber, seeing it as being suborned? Then, Kirstjen’s choice must be respected. That refusal would require willpower akin to that of a God’s, and Kirstjen is not a God.
Maybe me as this hard pretty Mx. Handcock, partially-based on Mx. Wigg, ugly-minded but not ugly?, this not-just-a-girl Kirstjen broadcasts, openly. As if she has the willpower of a God.
Mx. Mxyzptlk is flabbergasted. Dame Judi Dench winks her mind’s eye.
The voice of Kirstjen’s husband Dame Judi Dench, “whispering” into the mind’s ear of Kirstjen, That’s my girl.
Not to be outdone by a not-God Kirstjen, Mx. Mxyzptlk gathers themselves up on a dime. A level set is needed.
For us to agree, solely of Mx. Wiig this Mx. Handcock MUST be, Mx. Mxyzptlk broadcasts, openly.
Agreed, Kirstjen broadcasts, openly.
Reading between the lines?
Unspoken, of course, is that Mx. Handcock wearing thick-readers and thus ugly on “specials” is NOT negotiable. This would play too much into the depravity of Mx. Mxyzptlk, as well as Kirstjen’s own depravity, at the expense of Dame Judi Dench’s sensibilities. A necessary concession, that Dame Judi Dench will just have to live with.
A jeannie, big long yellow-blonde hair, paired with thick-readers? In a word: Harsh.
A “fluid” Barbara I Dream of Jeannie Eden’s Stella Johnson channeling Miss Debra and her Puppies! channeling Psycho’s Marion Crane resulting in a much more Mx. Wiig-esque Mx. Handcock channeling a Miss Mildred Huff.
Per Mx. Mxyzptlk. This audition becomes that audition as the audition goes sideways.
For us to agree, Mx. Handcock MUST be ugly-obsessed NOT ugly-minded, Mx. Mxyzptlk broadcasts, openly.
Agreed, Kirstjen broadcasts, openly.
More of this back and forth, between Mx. Mxyzptlk and Kirstjen, with Dame Judi Dench as the designated “hapless bystander.”
For us to agree, a test drive of this Mx. Handcock with ALL of our stipulations in place, Mx. Mxyzptlk broadcasts, openly.
Agreed, Kirstjen broadcasts, openly.
A test drive. Because this Mx. Handcock is a work in progress.
Per Mx. Mxyzptlk. An imprint of Mx. Wiig’s personality will be used as the blueprint for the personality of Mx. Handcock.
Thick-readers download onto this Mx. Handcock’s face. This Mx. Handcock is imprinted with Mx. Wiig’s personality.
Now, this Mx. Handcock is aesthetically pleasing to Mx. Mxyzptlk.
Performing as this hard harsh ugly ugly-obsessed Mx. Handcock, based solely on Mx. Wigg’s imprint.
Looks, matter. Function, matters more. Skills pay the bills.
During this test drive. Mx. Mxyzptlk continuously tweaks this Mx. Handcock until this Mx. Handcock is completely to their liking.
By then, Mx. Wiig is dead and not coming back. Mx. Handcock having beheaded Mx. Wiig.
Mx. Handcock “replaces” Mx. Wiig. And. Most importantly. Mx. Mxyzptlk is completely satisfied with the replacement.
Mx. Handcock and Ms. Nielsen are one in the same person, is of no consequence.