Bell, Book, and Candle: S2 E12: The Porn Teacher

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Starring Kirstjen Michele Nielsen (Olivia Taylor Dudley), the Alice Quinn of SyFy Channel’s The Magicians.

The centerpiece of the now deceased Andrew’s basement playroom is his CrossFit alcove. But. It’s not the only premier BDSM torture and restraint engine in his dungeon. He also has a rack down here. The brand of his rack is The Porn Teacher. Not a pricey reproduction, this rack is a priceless Victorian original.

The alcove and the rack are more examples of insidious GIGER By HR Giger biomechanical contraptions.

One could argue that the entire house, this The Psycho House of infamy, a converted Victorian mansion, is a premier BDSM torture and restraint engine too. And. It’s accessorized with “busy” groping invisible hands and murderous invisible killer brains, all of which are malevolent.

Strapped down to the rack is the corpse of Mx. Allison Gertrude Crabtree, Andrew’s wife. Through the agency of the rack, Andrew murdered his wife in cold blood.

Upon seeing the mutilated corpse of Andrew’s wife, Mx. Allison Boyd has an epiphany. So. At the risk of capital punishment; there is no applicable get-of-jail-free-card, in this particular situation. This Allison Boyd decides to replace that Allison Crabtree, nonetheless.

With a quick snap of the neck, an RTW, this Allison Boyd ensures that that Allison Crabtree will never resurrect. This Allison Boyd murders Andrew’s wife that Allison Crabtree in cold blood, and that Allison Crabtree is gone for good.

This Allison Boyd as this the “new” Allison Crabtree: Allison Crabtree, “The Body”. Bolshoi-bare paired with thick-readers resulting in the expected ugly plain looks. A jeannie as yellow-blonde hair, i.e., her usual “Allison”, it’s not geriatric blonde. Thin, not Thinner, therefore, she stays her usual Gal Gadot slender. She doesn’t look much older or well-used; thirty-something doesn’t give way to fifty-something, i.e., not a cougar, not a MILF, not a well-past-her-prime-bimbo. But. Hers becomes a woman’s deep, raspy, borderline masculine voice: mangled vocally, in spades. All-in-all, resulting in a unbeguiling unnerving dominatrix bulldyke imprint.

To reiterate. As this Allison Crabtree. She sounds manly with her husky voice: The staff at The White House wants her to quit using the men’s bathroom. 

As this Allison Crabtree. Kirstjen’s hard pretty thirty-something default, plus thick-readers, a mangled voice, and strapping butch, with a stilted walk and having an MTG 24×7 “bleach-blonde, bad-built, butch body” moment; relieved of her “unwanted”, relieving her of the burden of her beauty.

As this Allison Crabtree. A hard stern dowdy Kirstjen, a schoolmarm as dominatrix, who is not pretty. The disfiguring eyeglasses, by their lonesome, make “pretty” a bridge too far. She’s rendered ugly and plain? Yes, emphatically so. Some of the affectations that apply? Bitter spinster, sexually repressed, sexually frustrated, mean, loathsome, disdainful, RBF, frumpy, stern, severe dowdy, fugly, plain, petty, spiteful, abusive. In a word: harsh. She does not look older or well-used, thus, creepy and thirty-something does not give way to creepy and fifty-something, not that it matters much. Wretched is still wretched.

As this Allison Crabtree. Kirstjen drowning in the bleach-blonde homeliness of horseface Georgia Republican Ms. Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG); “a bleach blonde with a badass showgirl body”, walking stilted, strapping Piranhas and Parts, and having an MTG 24×7 “bleach-blonde, bad-built, butch body” moment. YUCK!!!

As this Allison Crabtree. For this Kirstjen channeling Mx. Allison Crabtree channeling Alice Quinn channeling Mx. Alice Quinn channeling a bespectacled Elvira channeling Mx. Elvira channeling Mildred Huff channeling Mx. Mildred Huff channeling the patent lunacy of a Harpy by way of a Witch. OUCH!!!