Bartenders hear it all, but these questions and comments will instantly put them on guard.
Key Takeaways
- Respect bartending as a real profession. Asking questions like “What’s your real job?” diminishes the skill, training, and passion that go into bartending. Professionals take pride in their craft, and such comments undermine that.
- Avoid requests that pressure bartenders to break rules or norms. Asking for extra alcohol for free, demanding a drink be made “like another bar,” or complaining you “can’t taste the alcohol” all create unnecessary tension. Bartenders follow measured recipes for balance, consistency, and to avoid stealing from their employer.
- Mind your etiquette—patience and clear communication go far. Snapping, waving money, shouting, or saying “surprise me” without guidance puts stress on a busy bartender. Instead, give simple direction, be courteous, and wait your turn—kindness is the fastest route to great service.
Bartenders are trained to handle busy crowds, complicated drink orders, and all kinds of personalities, but there are a few snide remarks that make their job noticeably more unpleasant. While many patrons may have good intentions, these etiquette faux-pas can, at best, slow down your service, or at worst, create an untenable situation behind the bar.
We went directly to the source and asked bartenders which phrases and behaviors are better left unsaid, because they either cross professional boundaries or are considered largely uncouth. Here’s what you need to avoid to make sure the bar runs more smoothly for everyone.
01 of 07
What’s Your Actual Job?
Never break the ice with: “So, what’s your dream job? Or are you going to school for something else?” These highly-personal questions assume that bartending is only suitable as a temporary job. “Many of us (myself included) choose this as a long-term career,” says Brynn Smith, bartender and director at Bar Next Door. “I fell in love with hospitality, and bartending has given me incredible opportunities.” She explains that it’s rude to assume someone wants to do something else when they’ve found purpose and success behind the bar.
Every bartender we interviewed echoed this same feeling. Charlotte Voisey, author and executive director of Tales of the Cocktail Foundation, notes bartenders work and study hard. “Your question, while well-intended, could make them feel less worthy than they are, calling into question the effort and ambition they have invested.”
Sam Wood, bartender and owner of Adventure Time Bar, told us this question gets under his skin, too. “Bartending is a real job that takes skill, stamina, and people sense. Many of us choose it because we love hospitality, craft, and connection,” he adds.
02 of 07
Make It Extra Strong
When ordering your drink, think twice before asking if your bartender can make it stronger, add less ice, or pour a little extra without expecting to pay more for it. “When someone asks this, they’re basically asking the bartender to steal from their employer,” says Smith. “Every cocktail is carefully measured. Those measurements are there to keep the drink balanced and consistent. If you want a stronger pour, you’re more than welcome to order a double and pay for it, but asking for extra on the house crosses a line.”
03 of 07
Where’s the Alcohol?
This next one is similar to the last but happens after you’ve tried your drink, where you might feel compelled to say something like, “There’s no alcohol in this cocktail. You’re cheating me.” First, there are better ways to get that point across, and second, that flavor might be intentional.
“If you can’t taste the alcohol, it’s usually a sign of a well-balanced cocktail,” says Wood. “The goal is to highlight flavor, not overwhelm it. Trust your bartender, they want you to enjoy a drink that tastes great and feels just right.”
Wood notes that some people will comment how their own homemade versions taste stronger. “Home bartending is great, but most pros use precise measurements to keep cocktails consistent and enjoyable for everyone,” he says. “Think of it less as stronger and more as balanced. We’re all about that perfect ratio.”
04 of 07
Surprise Me
It’s OK to rely on a bartender’s expertise to help narrow down the best cocktail (or mocktail) for you, but leaving it entirely in their hands is a lot of pressure. “A bartender who is passionate about their craft loves to give recommendations and guide their guests to find the perfect cocktail to meet the moment,” says Voicey. The best bartender will naturally love to engage and converse, she admits, yet they still need a little direction. Even one hint about your favorite spirits or mood makes it easier for them to craft the right drink for the moment.
05 of 07
Can You Give Me This One on the House?
“Never ask a bartender for a free drink,” says Voicey, who adds that this is rarely within their power to grant and, in most cases, they end up paying for it themselves. Wood says this can also sound something like, “If you hook me up, I’ll tip you big at the end.”
Most bartenders would agree that a good tip is appreciated, but Wood explains that bartenders take pride in giving the same great service to everyone. “The best way to earn a little extra love from your bartender [in the form of presence, not free booze] is to be kind, patient, and genuine.”
06 of 07
Can You Make This the Way Another Bar Does?
Some bars pride themselves on their menu, so don’t ask your bartender to make a drink just like the bar down the street does. “We love hearing what you enjoy elsewhere,” says Wood. “But every bar has its own recipes, ingredients, and style, so it might not taste exactly the same.” Despite that, Wood notes that most bartenders would be happy to make something inspired by another cocktail, or recommend something similar from their menu that fits the vibe.
07 of 07
Hey, Over Here!
Bars get busy, but snapping fingers or waving money to get the bartender’s attention does not usually go over well. Also, don’t yell loudly to try to jump ahead of others. “We see you,” says Wood. “A simple smile or eye contact works wonders. Bartenders juggle a lot at once, and a little patience goes a long way toward great service and maybe even a few extra friendly pours.”
Lauren Thomann