A marital moment
Sometimes you have to remind your loving wife and family that you’re the man of the house and they aren’t. 🙂
You don’t say? I do say.
CM PUNK RETURN IMMINENT
Girls’ rules, not theirs.
Turnabout is fair play, and all that.
The interesting thing about this is that most guys would be alright with it as long as it was being done to them by a smoking hot chick. 🙂
My Opponent is a LIAR
At the first Presidential debate, Garrison speaks from the heart and tries to convince everyone to vote for his opponent. Watch the full episode for FREE – https://cart.mn/sp-ep2003
Tesseracts and Tachyons
Easy Cat says, “It’s Comfy Thursday, Again!!!”
Have a nice day
Stayin’ sexy, not sawft.
So please …
Haters Gonna Hate [CM Punk, Best of Luck!]
Romy putting a ring on that finger….
Puppy … Kiss the pussycat …
The Great Khali is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to. [one of India’s Giant gods of war]
The Great Khali’s love of pro-wrestling and his 8-year run with the WWF never lulled anyone into forgetting what a fierce god he is in battle … This Giant described by Goons as a “total monster in combat”, the self-proclaimed “Punjab Terror”, loves to fight, and for four-thousand years he has always performed faultlessly in conflict–in other words, this big muther-fracker has kicked a lot of ass, in his time. We wish him well in his future endeavors.
Alison Brie — Where will all of us meat up and flirt?
First pitch … ball in your court …
A Conference Call in Real Life
This is great … and oh so true!
Teleconferencing at its best.
It’s funny because it’s true!
Let’s play cards
I’m in here with Tommy “Bullpen”. I look down at my cards and I got a pair of 3’s. I say he’s got nothing. He throws over Ace-7. I hit a set of 3’s on the flop. Tommy pays me all of his money.
“I won! I won! That’s the funniest thing that ever happened to me at a card game!” — Joey “The Mush” to the other players at the table.
“So you won a hand.” — one of the players to Joey “The Mush”.
“Even the sun shines on a dog’s ass, once and a while.” — Tommy “Bullpen” to Joey “The Mush”.
“Even a garbage can gets a steak, once and a while.” — “Breezy” to Joey “The Mush”.
42 is the meaning of life, death, and everything else
Same sex marriages in the Super Hero world
THE FLIP SIDE aka “This is my world and welcome to it” 🙂
A New Subspecies in Newport Beach found!
I have seen these at numerous places, so they are evidently reproducing.
I can’t imagine they can run very fast with those short legs.
U.S. Presidential Debate Drinking Game
Like I give a fuck!!!
Life’s little moments to ponder
Goth Girl Screaming!!!
A picture is worth a thousand words–healthy … lungs …:)
I have done nothing productive all day …
A week after Barack Obama gets re-elected as President of the United States of America
A Hilarious John Cena Rap Battle, WWE goes Nigga!!!
WARNING – EXPLICIT LYRICS
Watch Mikey Sneaks take John Cena to school in this classic MC battle.
From Jersey All Pro Wrestling’s 6th Anniversary show – 11/08/03
Meadowlands Expo Center — Secaucus, NJ
Man Up!, Things to Ponder
“I don’t usually do back exercises, but when I do, I use scrawny men as weight.”
A gentleman will walk, but never run …
Dirty, Dirty Thoughts
from a parenting tip to a frog’s point of view
A frog’s point of view
Nothing of value was lost — Oddities of this Life and the Here After
And then there was … Chris …
Less Sports Entertainment, more Wrasslin’ please.
More things to ponder on a lazy Monday
Talk about John 3:16 … Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!
“You sit there and you thump your bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn’t get you anywhere! Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16 … Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!”
Bigger than the Beatles!
God? I’d sell my soul to the Devil if you make this happen … or at least my car.
White Men Can’t Dance
Dude, found the problem
Video: Jon Jones kicks his kid by Barrett Hooper
I get that the UFC is trying to break out of the box it’s in, grab some mainstream attention, appeal to sporting Joes and maybe a housewife or two. But I’m not sure this ad, which aired during Sunday’s NFL playoffs on Fox, really works.
You can see that it really really wants to be one of those classic Super Bowl commercials that everybody talks about the day after. And it’s mildly humorous, light heavyweight champ Jon Jones is certainly likable, and who hasn’t wanted to punt a toddler into the stratosphere? But the CGI looks cheap and there’s no footage of fighting or anything to connect this with MMA at all. Nice try, though.
Random thought that just popped up
The Tooth Fairy teaches kids to sell body parts for money
What a difference a day makes!
Now they’re all about “I’mmm Aweeeessssooome.” A catchphrase a 12 year old with brain damage might blurt out while dribbling.
When All Else Fails …
No shit Sherlock
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more.
You might be a redneck if …
Oh Really!!! They call it dope for a reason, you moron.
Just say “No!!!”
The Dating Game – [excerpts]
Ken: “How’d your date go? “
Ray: “My date involved two instances of extreme violence, one instance of her hand on my cock and my finger up her thing which lasted all too briefly – and then I was away – , one instance of me stealing five grams of very high-quality cocaine and one instance of me blinding a poofy little skinhead: so all in all… my evening pretty much balanced out, fine.”
The Truth and Nothing but the Truth
“Ten thousand years as Intercontinental Champion, Oooooh yeeeah!”
WWE = WORLD “WIDE” ENTERTAINMENT not WORLD “WRESTLING” ENTERTAINMENT
“Hulkamania is like a single grain of sand in the Sahara desert that is Macho Madness.”
You my friend have won yourself a high five lol
“To click or not to click? That is the question.” 🙂
Gorilla Warfare in Libya!!! – King Kong Rules
Forces loyal to the government of Moammar Gadhafi clash with CIA-backed rebels in some of the fiercest hand-to-hand fighting in this conflict which will decide who will control Libya’s oil reserves.
SCSA, Revisited – [“Cause Stone Cold said so!”]
Just because I didn’t agree doesn’t mean I didn’t listen. It just means that you’re wrong. Now, go away, please.
I’m not a Nugget!!! – RIP Owen Hart
P.S. You must be dick if you say, “Just sayin’”.
SCSA – [“Stone Cold Steve Austin”]
“I got nothing to say to you. Just park my damn truck, and if you scratch it, you’re gonna get your ass whipped.”
“Prepare to get branded and feel the bang!” – DDP
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation. A guy sticks his location in a girl’s destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration? 🙂
Inland Empire, David Lynch, and Bruce Dern’s daughter and wife
“If your dog takes one more dump on my lawn … I’m gonna catch him and staple his ass hole shut!” – “Bark! Bark!” – “By God, I’m gonna do it, right now!”
I Bring It
Don’t fuck with the Panda!
And if you’re not down with that, I got 2 words for ya!!! – [“SUCK IT!!!”]
When Fame is the name of the Game.
Why vinyl records?
How to handle gold-diggers
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde who knocks everyone’s socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm. She hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”
“I lied about my age,” Bob replies.
“What, did you tell her you were only 50?”
Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 90.”
The Magic of Duct Tape
You may want to keep the last picture. 🙂
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
We used to use baling wire, guess duct tape is the new baling wire.
Duct tape use number 1001: Repair a plane after a bear attack
Apparently, a Bear attacked this Super Cub while it was parked in a remote area in Alaska.
The pilot had not cleaned out the inside after a long fishing trip and the Bear smelled a fish smell.
The pilot had two new tires, three cases of Duct Tape (never leave home without it, the greatest stuff) and several rolls of cellophane delivered to repair the Cub so he could fly it home for airworthy repair.
During a private “fly-in” fishing excursion in the Alaskan wilderness, the chartered pilot and fishermen left a cooler with bait in the airplane. A bear smelled it. This is what he did to the plane.
The pilot used his radio and had another pilot bring him 2 new tires, 3 cases of duct tape, and a supply of sheet plastic … He patched the plane together, and FLEW IT HOME!
Duct Tape … Never Leave Home Without It!
Yes, duct tape is the best thing out there to fix leaks and stop crap from messing everything up.
That poor piece of duct tape.
It is really taking one for the team right there…..
Did she raid Ellen Degeneres’ closet for that jacket?
Upskirted at a bakery and her reaction to it
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a
Urban Dictionary: Bae
Bæ/bae is a Danish word for poop. Also used by people on the internet who think it means baby, sweetie etc.
Bae I love u so much
Brian, my bae
I just made a bæ
Remember this story the next time someone tries to make your life miserable!
A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s Tiber River called Teste.”
“Don’t go any further. I know that place. It’s a dump.”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Good luck on this trip of yours.”
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of Continental’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and the steward waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”
“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
He said: “Who fucked up your hair?”
ROBOT Lie Detector, First Grade Drawing – PRICELESS!, Monday car stuff, and a quote from Fast Times at Ridgemont High, et al
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that day.
The son says, “I did some schoolwork.”
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “Ok, Ok. I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch ?”
Son says, “Toy Story.”
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”
Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, “Well he certainly is your son .”
The robot slaps the mother.
End of Story
P.S. Robot For Sale
Be sure to read to the bottom, not sure if mom was thinking fast, or has two jobs, or her daughter was able to capture both with one picture?
A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment.
The teacher graded it and the child brought it home.
She returned to school the next day with the following note:
Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be perfectly clear on my child’s homework illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.
This drawing is of me selling a shovel.
Of course, as mentioned, the Viper is supposed to be crueler. It’s supposed to be the beast you must tame. As my British colleagues like to say, you’d love to grab it by the scruff of its neck and wring it. Of course, the Viper’s trying to do the same thing to you.
Tough call. Your decision is like choosing between blonde twins and brunette twins. You win either way.
Just depends what you want.
The only thing to consider is that I have never heard a Z06 owner say “look at my Z06. It looks just like a Grand Sport”.
Don’t worry, We can fix it. My Dad has the ultimate set of tools! He’s a TV repairman! Spickolie — Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Windows vs. Ford
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
“If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, Ford issued a press release stating:
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash … twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive – but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask, “Are you sure?”before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.
Please share this with your friends who love – but sometimes hate – their computer!
A toast to growing old — Have a Wonderful Day!
As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world, too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it, if I choose to read, or play, on the computer, until 4 AM, or sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50, 60 &70’s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will.
I will walk the beach, in a swimsuit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves, with abandon, if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And, I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years, my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break, when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But, broken hearts are what give us strength, and understanding, and compassion. A heart never broken, is pristine, and sterile, and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).
MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT’S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!
“I’ve been alone so long in Hell that it took that long to realize” ~Johnathan Davis~
Life is just a word that I won’t say.
Love is just a word that I’ll never know.
Life is just a game that I won’t play.
Love is just a lie that I won’t believe.
Right Leg … Hospital, Left Leg … Cemetery
Big Beaver Road – Exit 69
Amy and Tina, take your pants off
Meanwhile in Australia
An alternative to violence from John and Yoko
First pitch … ball in your court …
Bad Idea T-Shirts
What if you were there