It’s not the size of the dog in the fight. It’s the size of the fight in the dog.
Sic non ad magnitudinem canis in pugna. Est magnitudinem canis in pugna.
“This school exists for a single and timeless purpose: to hone your innate abilities to the highest degree. Now, what you do with it after that is entirely up to you. If you want to take over the world, we don’t teach that, but give it a go.”—Henry Phineas Fogg
Brakebills University for Magical Pedagogy, also known as Brakebills College for Magical Pedagogy, Brakebills Preparatory College of Magic, Brakebills Academy for Magical Pedagogy, or simply Brakebills, is the premier institution for the study of magic in North America.
Brakebills University for Magical Pedagogy was established in Upstate New York in 1763 and became the standard-bearer of the American magical society, having given rise to generation after generation of illustrious Magicians. Prior to the 1930s and 1940s, Brakebills taught English and American magic almost exclusively until vogue for multicultural spellcasting swept the school, and the school imported professors from around the world, including Dean Mayakovsky. The school recruited skirt-wearing shamans from Micronesian dot-islands, hunch-shouldered hookah-puffing wizards from inner-city Cairo coffeehouses, blue-faced Tuareg necromancers from southern Morocco.
Every year, thousands of the most talented magical practitioners take the Entrance Exam to determine whether or not they qualify for enrollment. There are only 100 seats available.
Though the wards surrounding the school keep it hidden from civilians, some have been known to make their way through the forest and onto campus grounds. The last previous recorded incident of trespass occurred five years before Kirstjen Michele Nielsen arrived as a student.
Ancient Mia and Kirstjen walk leisurely across the expansive front lawn toward the Brakebills Administration Building. Simon is walking behind them. Kirstjen is still fronting a Sarah Palin. A Sarah Palin is, just like the template’s namesake, a Lindsey Vonn with thins. Thins and a mopp, outdated old-fogey eyeglasses and an outdated old-fogey coiffure, for an outdated old-fogey template the Sarah Palin. Irregardless, when it comes to Palin … it’s all about the Puppies!
“Professor Mary Chinn, has disappeared.”
“The Dragon who teaches Advanced Library Techniques?” Kirstjen asks, rhetorically.
“Aren’t you two related or something?”
“She’s my niece.”
“When I was a graduate student here, there were unconfirmed rumors that she was.”
“She wanted to make it in the world on her own merits. Not because of her family connections. I’m sure you find that an amusing notion.”
“Simon and I will be working with the police on Mary’s disappearance. You will take over Mary’s class in the interim. You will also resume your status in the graduate program as a student.”
“How about the rest of my life? You know, things like the TV show, my marriage, dating?”
“I’m not much of a juggler.”
“I presume, based upon the school rules, I don’t get to fuck staff or students, and I don’t get high or drunk on school premises.”
“Yes. On campus, you’re expected to be sober and chaste.”
“I let my Guild dues go delinquent, sometime ago. I presume they’ve been paid up?”
“Yes, they have. This, of course, automatically reinstated you as a librarian-in-good-standing. Additionally, in keeping with school policy, you’re expected to pass the school’s recertification exam, before the semester is over. You did keep your certification current, in spite of letting your dues lapse, but …”
“The school has its own practicals, and the school’s librarians must pass them by the end of every semester. Certification through the Guild doesn’t substitute for certification from the school.”
“Also … And I can’t stress this enough … Make sure that your eyeglasses are readers, in keeping with your renewed librarian certification through the school.”
Readers, not reading glasses. Eyeglasses with a very advanced, built-in AI. Google Glasses, or simply Glasses, are the premium brand of these so-called smart eyeglasses, that are the school’s preferred brand. Akin to how the virtual display on a smart phone works, the optical display of readers is beamed directly into the person’s brain via their optic nerves, and is perceived by the wearer as overlaying their field of vison, when the display is switched on.
If you wear readers, you don’t need a phone. So, by asking her to wear readers, she’s implicitly being asked to forgo her phone. Smart phones and readers both being powered by dedicated quantum computers. The result of quantum supremacy, the Holy Grail of quantum mechanics.
“And since it’s expected that I’ll pass the school’s recertification with flying colors, I’m expected to switch out my dumb eyeglasses for smart ones before I teach my first class?”
“Eyeglass chain, same as your thins and thicks.”
“The same eyeglass chain?”
“Yes … A Miles Kimball beaded eyeglass chain attached at their temples. Either wearing these unbecoming eyeglasses, or having them hanging around your neck by their chain and resting upon your ample bosom.”
“Thick or thin Glass?”
“The dean chooses. But, with her being such a vain, petty, unattractive old biddy, and with your looks being so upstaging in spite of you wearing thins, I’d guess thick Glass. You crave Mildred Huff and you’re only doing Vonn, Palin, and such, to piss off me and Simon.”
“Your niece has a campus apartment in the faculty residence.”
“You may use it as you wish. I would strongly suggest that you use it as much as you can, especially during the week when you’re teaching class. That will greatly cut down on your commutes.”
“Corporal mortification, while on campus?”
“You may do so in the privacy of my niece’s apartment. Now, recite the school’s strictly enforced policy on fraternization when faculty is off campus.”
“Per Policy 1301. I will not debase myself with staff or students, when I’m off campus.”
“Not at the present moment. You will be hearing from us in the future, though. And, remember, you are being monitored closely.”
Ancient Mia and Simon abruptly walk away. Kirstjen continues onto her meeting with Dean Lynda Jean Cordova Carter. That Lynda Carter. The one who used to be Wonder Woman on TV, back in the day. And it’s Ancient Mia who’s playing mind games with Kirstjen, this time.
Dean Carter is vain, then again, all beautiful women are guilty of that, from time to time. She can also be petty and even vindictive, at times. Then again, she’s only human. But, she’s not unattractive. She’s an older woman whose looks will give any young woman’s a run for their money. Dean Carter welcomes any and all competition, in the beauty department. As such. She’ll insist that Kirstjen wear thin Glass with no lines, and the same style of the Kazuo Kawasaki 704 smart eyeglasses that President Sarah Louise Palin wears. Rimless frame design, along with the durable yet lightweight beta-titanium temples, and lens in shape SP-51 eye size; (Color: Gray 34, Lens Shape-Size: SP-51) the same as Sarah Palin’s eyeglasses. And, as such, a Miles Kimball beaded eyeglass chain attached at their temples. Sarah Palin Glasses: thin-readers. The de facto standard for female faculty, since Lynda Carter became dean. And, as long as Kirstjen is on the faculty, she’ll insist that the girl never goes Coyote ugly, on campus. Ouch!
Predictions, longshots and safe bets?
On campus … For the foreseeable future, Kirstjen’s days of Coyote ugly and gender-bending are over. Therefore. On campus … No more Parts, barbwire garters, and plaintive makeup, for the duration. And, as for corporal mortification on campus in the privacy of Mary’s apartment, regardless of what Ancient Mai said earlier, this is Dean Carter’s domain, and Dean Carter will more than likely forbade Kirstjen to do so while on the premises.
There’s something else, though. Something very dowdy, irrespective of brand. A research librarian should always look the part, by Dean Carter’s way of thinking. Therefore, while on campus, in her capacity as a research librarian who is also a faculty member, Kirstjen’s template will be a Marion Crane exercising only one option, that option being eyeglasses. Ergo, no more of her doing a Sarah Palin, or anything else for that matter, when she’s a school booker. This suits Kirstjen just fine. When she isn’t doing her beloved Number 3, her second choice is a Crane anyways. Of course, given a choice, she chooses thicks for her eyeglasses, so it’s thick-readers with her Marion Crane, which renders her less attractive, but not Coyote ugly, and thus adhering to Dean Carter’s edict but sidestepping the “expectations” [of Dean Carter and the school] of her wearing thin Glasses.
Unlike thin-readers. Thick-readers are in the style of thicks. Therefore, lined trifocals with extremely thick eyeglass lenses. Smart-eyeglasses, with 0S4P Burgundy Black Transparent eyeglass frames—i.e., those same, severe, unbecoming, 1950’s frames worn by the dominatrix librarian magician Alice Quinn character as portrayed by actress Olivia Taylor Dudley, star of SyFy Channel’s “The Magicians”. A Miles Kimball beaded eyeglass chain is attached at the temples of the smart glasses. And, crystal clear & white nibblet eyeglass chain holders—Artisan—in place of the holders that normally come with the Miles Kimball. Resulting in vintage smart-eyeglass chain and holders.
It’s expected that Kirstjen will cheat, from time to time on campus, and also wear Parts to go her preferred bi-gender along with her Crane. And, if she’s very lucky, she’ll get punished for her transgression by the school’s infamous disciplinarian Mrs. Gretchen Corey Carson III. Mrs. Carson is the former-wife of the screen legend, actress Hedy Lamarr.