— Posted in The Last of Us, Vampire Noir

The Last of Us [The Moe Gale Agency and Decca Records]

Judy Garland Lyrics—“Over the Rainbow”


Somewhere over the rainbow way up high.

There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.


Someday I’ll wish upon a star.

And wake up where the clouds are far.

Behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops.

Away above the chimney tops.

That’s where you’ll find me.


Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow.

Why then, oh, why can’t I?


If happy little bluebirds fly.

Beyond the rainbow.

Why, oh, why can’t I?


The grotto shifts. Now it’s in the sewers beneath The Vatican. When it shifts away, Mondo remains, that creepy smile of hers painting her hard, pretty face. The grotto is gone to find another wicked, despicable possessor.

There is no mental or physical vestige whatsoever of Leechwoman, that mindless Leech-Kum thing, that she was for the first half of her leave. Therefore there is no insidious nameless growth just underneath her skin at the base of her spine.

With one notable exception. There is no mental or physical vestige whatsoever of her alter ego, Borg babe Seven-of-Nine. The sole exception? That creepy-looking knobb of Seven’s on the rightside of her neck remains. Although off-putting in appearance, the star-shaped quarter-size “mole” is a handy interface for coercing Borg tech and The Borg themselves [i.e., drones and Queens alike].

There is no mental or physical vestige whatsoever of the drunken junkie whore. She’s 100-percent “The Notorious One”, Miss Mondo Constance Anna-Kane, formerly Miss Constance Ann Smith. Connie Smith being her human iteration, who and what she was before she got turned by the Vampire, Dr. Mildred Christine Kane-Most [the infamous Lost scientist].

Miss Kane is clean and pristine, and frumpy. Again sporting her latest Sarah Palin iteration. Her favorite hobbies are once again torture and homicide, not addiction and binging herself mindless.

Long yellow-blonde hair worn in a perfectly-coiffed Brynhildr that is yanked back into a severe unbecoming sternka. The half-moon round reading glasses version of sternns with Miles Kimball eyeglass chain attached at their temples, i.e., sternns-miles, and she’s wearing those unbecoming eyeglasses instead of them hanging around her neck by their chain and resting upon her ample bosom. Careys—her trademark stilettos. Perls. Bosom Envy and panty briefs underneath her frumpy immaculately-tailored Koo—a frumpy business suit, in spite of its revealing French cut, cuffed three-quarter length sleeves, brief body-hugging miniskirt, and it being form fitting and sans blouse—it’s frumpy because of its severe tailoring. Prudz. Bolshoi-bare. Holster, phone, and purse discreetly clipped to the waistband of her staid suit’s miniskirt.

Revealing French cut? Her suitcoat is tight, low-cut, and cleavage-baring. And, of course, a Koo is meant to be worn sans blouse.

The disfigurement of dowdy thick-lensed sternns [lenses the thickness of the bottom of Coke bottles]—those Coke bottle glasses as half frame readers, with clear plastic frames in the style of Lynwoods—smoking-hot nerdy accountant chick eyeglasses personified.

Lynwoods are half frame reading glasses that are perfect for those folks that like to keep their reading glasses on at all times. Simply look down to read your favorite novel, and look up and over your reading glasses to see your children or grandchildren playing in the living room. Lynwoods are a semi-rimless half reader with a lightweight yet durable frame, and half-moon shape.

Sexually-repressed sexpot mad scientist accountant/librarian, with a black money PhD, never looked better. The Bogeywoman is back, and she’s back in spades.

In place of the plain Brand-X flesh-colored latex panty brief is a flesh-colored Bali-brand latex lace ‘n smooth panty brief. The “nude” Bali panty brief is made with beautiful rubber French lace that provides firm control to smooth tummy and hips, and shape the wearer’s rear. The breathable lace won’t show under clothes and lays flat for a sleeker, smoother silhouette. This fancy panty is cut higher on the leg so that the wearer can move freely, and it has full rear coverage designed to prevent ride-up as it shapes and smooths. In other words, it has the exact same Parisian fit and cut as her plain latex version.

As arranged. Master of Arms, Sister Nancy Patricia D’Alesandro Pelosi, and a squad of Killjoys are there to greet her. She and the nun shake hands.

There is a look of unbridled disdain on the nun’s face for the drunken junkie whore. A look which quickly fades away as she realizes that the drunken junkie whore is no longer the drunken junkie whore.

“We’ve reviewed the evidence that the LC kindly has provided. The Holy See is clearly culpable.”

Forensic accounting. Cooked books. Black money PhD. Black money legend. Cleaned cash. These are some of the words that come to mind.

Bottomline. The Pope is stealing from The Church. And those closet to her, including her personal detail of Killjoys, are in on it with her in spades.

“And I get to participate in the housekeeping of this strictly internal Church matter?”

“Yes. Your service agreement has been approved. And. As such. You will follow my lead in this matter.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

One of the Killjoys is carrying a spare assault rifle. She hands it to the spinster librarian who has serious-as-a-heart-attack CPA skills. It’s Mondo’s forensic accounting that unearthed the fraud with the Vatican ledgers in the first place.

The term assault rifle is generally attributed to Adolf Hitler, who for propaganda purposes used the German word “Sturmgewehr” (which translates to “storm rifle” or “assault rifle”), as the new name for the MP43, subsequently known as the Sturmgewehr 44 or StG 44.

The assault rifles that the Killjoys, Sister Pelosi, and now Mondo are slinging look a lot like their StG 44 matriarch, but they are in fact the much more advanced and very modern StG 75-mp43G.

The rifle slings they are using are tactical ones, of course.

For the longest time, rifle slings were quite simple affairs. Typically just a length of nylon strapping hooked onto the front and back of the weapon, and allowing it to be slung over the shoulder or across the chest/back.

About thirty years ago, military forces started using tactical slings. A typical tactical sling, like the one used on the SA80 assault rifle with the British Army, consists of two loops of nylon strapping, an adjustable slide, and a clip.

One length of the nylon runs along the side of the weapon with a clip protruding from the front sling mount. At the rear, the sling forms a loop which typically goes over your shoulder, leaving only the rear of the rifle supported by the sling. The front clip can attach the female clip on the shoulder loop allowing the front of the rifle to be clipped to the shoulder or not as the case may be. There is a slide to adjust the length that typically hangs towards the right hip.

When marching or on guard, the soldier keeps the front clipped in place and the sling tight to their chest. This allows them to use their hands and maneuver without the weapon bouncing around.

When paroling you will have hands on the weapon, still clipped in but with more slack so you can bring it to ready when needed if needed. If action is expected imminently, you unclip the front. This allows the rifle to be moved around freely but the butt [end] is still attached to your shoulder so you can’t drop the weapon by accident.

It is also possible to mount the weapon in other positions. For example, in the combat arena, Engineers often “backpack” their weapon. The sling forming two loops which go over each shoulder with the butt upwards, along your spine. This allows them to do tasks such as heavy lifting and climbing without their weapon obstructing them.

Why is Mondo slinging a rifle when she has two automatic pistols [arguably the best of their kind in Creation] loaded in her universal holster? Because those twin matched Brownings of hers would make the CBQ [close quarters combat] she’s about to engage in way too easy and thus a lot less fun. Besides. She’s always wanted to fire the mother of all assault rifles, and this is as close as this Texas girl has ever gotten to that fantasy.

Then. Something truly magical happens. Sister Pelosi engages in a brief nonverbal conversation, consisting entirely of [military] hands signs, with the Lost girl.

Sister Pelosi: [You may take point, Miss Kane.]

Miss Kane: [Thank you, sister. I’m honored.]

Mondo walks over to what appears to be a solid rock wall and steps through it. The others follow. They end up in a narrow winding passageway cut into the living rock, its subterranean access concealed by an ingenious biomorphic forcefield.

A short distance up ahead at a chokepoint are a pair of Killjoys, two of the ones loyal to the Holy See. They were waiting in ambush. Unfortunately for them, something has sucked the life out of both of them, reducing them to dried out husks—i.e., they’ve been freeze-dried mummified.

Mondo steps through their remains, desecrating their corpses. It’s obvious that their deaths are most recent and quite sudden. As in, they got gotten as soon as Mondo stepped through the passageway’s hidden entrance.