— Posted in All Things Ann, I, The Jury, Vampire Noir

I, The Jury – “Hers the braggadocios persona portrayed in the media?” [Part 64]

Lyrics-und-ubersetzungen.com —

John Williams – The Long Goodbye (performed by Jack Sheldon)


There’s a long goodbye

And it happens everyday

When some passerby

Invites your eye

To come her way


Even as she smiles

A quick hello

You let her go

You let the moment fly

Too late you turn your head

You know you said

The long goodbye


Can you recognize the theme?

On some other street

Two people meet

As in a dream

Running for a plane

Through the rain

If the heart is quicker than the eye

They could be lovers

Until they die

It’s too late to try

When a missed hello

Becomes the long goodbye


“I know. I know. It’s an old building. Strange noises are to be expected. It just sounds like someone is walking across the hardwood floor when no one is there. That’s just the building settling, the way old buildings do from time to time. Bullshit! You’re not the one who’s down here, working alone! I’ve had enough! I quit!”


With the niceties now out of the way. What Rep. Ann-Margret expects next is her immediate demise—the death of someone who is already technically dead and who is now a ghost. What she gets is an impish smile instead from the stacked gumshoe.

“You were mistaken. Unbeknownst to you, some of the humans did notice the switch. The humans [i.e. the mundane powers that be] know what you are, or rather, they know who you are not. They know that you’re not Congresswoman Ann-Margret.” Now, it’s Mondo’s turn to exercise her version of a dramatic pause, then: “They don’t know nor do they care who you were when you were alive, and could care less where you came from.”

“So, by your ‘could care less where you came from’ remark … May I presume they at least know I am a supernatural being of extraterrestrial origin?”

Normally, in a situation like this one, Mondo would double-Dutch the other woman with some catty smart-ass cryptic reply. Instead, Mondo is straight with the ghost. She likes this spook that much.

Mondo walks over to the older woman, locks lips, sticks her deep down the lawmaker’s throat, wraps her arms around the Congresswoman’s slender waist, grabs a hunk of ass, and squeezes some produce. Any lounge lizard worth his/her salt with be green with envy at her shameless display of the pickup artist’s most lavish technique.

When their embrace ends another one, a Vampriric one, ensues. Mondo bares her fangs, bites down hard on the lawmaker’s creamy-white neck, and feeds. When this Lost embrace ends, the Vampire steps back, her inhumanely-long facile tongue licks her maw clean. Capish?

“They’ve known from the git-go that you’re the spirit of some dead alien astronaut from another universe? If that’s what you’re asking?” The answer is: yes.”

Tit-for-tat, and then some. Casper the friendly ghost, et al, have got nothing on this tallish girl with the front ripe melons.

“Just never run for President?” Ann-Margret asks half-jokingly.

“Run to your heart’s content. You just never will live to hold that office. In other words, you get to die twice, only this time for good.”

“You know something?”

“You came here underestimating the humans, expecting them to be easy pickings. Don’t make that same mistake again. You might not survive it.”

“Advice taken and appreciated. I won’t pry anymore.”

“Tonight, during what will be his last State of the Union message, President Joe Kennedy, a Democrat, will step down, abdicating his office to Vice President Sarah Palin, a Republican. The newly-appointed President Palin will pick the controversial Ann Coulter, an ultra-right wing Tea Party Republican as her new Vice President. You will be Palin’s choice as Secretary of the State Department. You will act surprised, when you are officially informed of your new appointment by the new President, at the White House, after the announcement of the change in power. You will continue to act surprised to the press, at a photo-op that follows, organized by the White House.”

“I’ll remember to act surprised.”

Ann-Margret mistakes Mondo. You can tell it in the tone of her reply. She thinks that the tall girl with the big tits is kidding.

“Please do.” It’s the way that Mondo says it that tips Ann-Margret off that Mondo is not kidding. “I was aware of you. I just didn’t know about your flip?”

“My what?”

“Flip. Your other life. Your alias as Kunni. Capish?”

“I get it.”

“President Palin will prove to not be the ditz that her critics think she is.”

“God, I hope not. We’ve already had one dingbat in the White House. And once was quite enough for me.”

The mood lightens. The two gals share a laugh.

“Time for me to go.”

“I know you have your hunches. But female intuition is not proof.”

“Go on.”

“You didn’t ask me if I as Kunni was Catherine’s trap.”

“Just now, you told me you were.”

“How else would I know about Catherine and a trap? Huh?”


“And seeing how things are going for me. I wouldn’t be able to testify in court against her anyways?”

“You got it, doll.”

“That’s your way out to get where I bet you want to be.” The lawmaker points at a side door.


“Until next time.” Ann-Margret blows Mondo a kiss.


Mondo opens the side door and steps through the doorway into what appears to be a dark spiral stairwell. She closes the door behind her and ends up stepping backwards into a stark, well-lite hallway of the Quest Diagnostic Lab in the basement of the Park Lane apartment building. There is no door on this end. Just a featureless white wall that smells faintly of disinfectant.

Almost running into Mondo, who wasn’t there from her perspective a moment ago, a startled lab tech drops the tray of blood samples she’s carrying and runs off screaming.

For two months, Mondo was kept in the basement that is several feet below this one. There is no physical connection between the two basements. But … There is a metaphysical one. An interpretation of which is that humans perceive the lab as being haunted. The lab tech thought that Mondo was a ghost, who had manifested to take possession of her.

Haunted? The usual unexplained phenomena, unexplainable when humans remove an explainable inhuman non-ghost culprit from the equation: apparitional comings and goings, things moving without anyone touching them, cold drafts where there shouldn’t be one, noises that sound like ghostly voices, hair standing on end, goosebumps, feeling a hand on your shoulder and there’s no hand there, etc.

Humans believing in a haunting in a world where they know that supernatural beings exist. And in this case the superstition is partially correct. A ghost is involved, but the lab is not haunted.