— Posted in This Week's YouTube Movie Trailers for the Dark at Heart, Zotz!

Movie Review — Carver (2008)

Based on a true story, Carver depicts the real life events of five 20-something’s that went camping in the mountain town of Halcyon Ridge and never returned.

On a scale of 1 to 5, this movie is a 4. What keeps it from being a 5 is not enough female nudity, and the usual fate that befalls smoking-hot blondes in these types of movies–i.e., they all get killed.

Spoiler Alert!:

By the end of the movie. We’re left with the okay-looking brunette Kate (Ursula Taherian).

In my version,

the buxom blonde sexpot Rachel (Kristyn Green) would have survived her attack, but suffers brain damage that turns her into a CHUD  (cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller). She can speak when she has to, but mostly she growls, snarls, and foams at the mouth. She is now a homicidal maniac and a cannibal. Wearing a cannibal necklace, her soiled panties, and a skimpy crop top made from uncured human skin taken from a buxom redhead’s torso.  She will be kept muzzled and chained up in the basement, when she’s not starring in one of Billy Hall Carver’s (David G. Holland) snuff films.

Also, Rachel would have much bigger tits, and we would see full frontal nudity and full rear nudity from her and all of the other girls in the movie.